insomnia - day 2

please tell me that I am thinking too much.

 

 

As people grown, some thoughts will never be the same again. I never thougth to have a child of my own, I used to think a child free lifestyle would be better off and I would rather save up the money for my retirement.. plus lesbian couple having a kid would lead to a lot of moral issues... It has changed me a lot after watching "L word", I got the feeling like a life without a child is incomplete and reli wanted to see how my kid will look like. I am craving for a family with my gal. I just hope one day, when technology is more advanced, we could give birth with our own egg without needing a sperm donor, I hope we could be the "mommy T" & "mommy E".. I know this's gonna be immoral, so just leave me with my own say on my blog..

Breathless

If our love was a fairy tale
I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we’d say I do

And if we had babies they would look like you
It’d be so beautiful if that came true
You don’t even know how very special you are

Chorus

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made

And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don’t even know how very special you are

Chorus

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special
I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you’ve given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

I luv you

It was our 3 month anniversary during the past Friday but things were not smooth as it should be. On Thur, we had a fight over some issues because we have different views, we see things differently. I mean, argument is normal, it's just a way of discussion, of making things better. Everyone is unique and individual, no one's feeling or thoughts may be identical, discrepancy must exist. Very often, if we can't handle this sort of arguments carefully, it will just killl a relationship without a sound. We all have flaws ( and i think i rank top 10 in "the most imperfect lover"), but love is so magical that it makes us learn to see an imperfect person perfectly. I know I ain't love expert and ain't a honey mouth person, things used to go worse when I start to speak...sighh.. I bet the only thing i know the best...is to weep . That night, I tried to cheer her up (but as usual I made her angrier) and cooked her lunch for da next day. I waited under the freezing wind and finally she opened her door to me again..

Then the next day, I thought it would be a sunny day to me. BUt then, during the evening, she got reli upset and unhappy... cos she found out I have lied to her again... I totally broke her heart. I always thought what I did was for the goood of us, but that was only ME being selfish to disregard her. I reli shouldn't lie, it has become a wound that could never heal.. a thorn in her heart that makes her think that I am not reliable, i'm not trustable, i'm not good enough for her... Rule no.1, no one shoud lie in a r/ship, sincerity is very important. But I broke the rule... I knew she got so despair to find out I lied again, I could imagine how bad did i break her heart into pieces. She finally opened her heart to me again because she didn't want to see me cry, for she still cared for me and love me. She gave me a warm hug.

People may ask that "why am i so attached to her?". The reason is I can see that she treasures me a lot, not only me in person, but she treasures everything I did for her. LIke the flowers that I bought her on valentines', it didn't turn into ash or trash or fertilizer, it's still on earth!!! She turned it into dry flowers and decorated it nicely in a plastic acrylic plastic box as our 3 month present, with a cute little wood tag inside. Who on earth would not tremble with happiness to have such a meaningful gift... (p.s but i was so dumb and careless that I didn't hold it firmly on my way back home..and she thought I didn't hold it tight because I didn't treasure it T^T The past 3 month was the best time I had in my life, everytime I look down and see my tummy, I think of you, because of the happiness with you (you cook for me), I can gain flesh! =]

I hope... you could feel the same way round when you see your tummmmmmyy.... hehee